10

Task-2

Let's Learn from Others' Mistakes

Common Errors 

1

Source: Ms Anvi Jindal 07-07-23 MT 05

Original Text

Firstly, if families cannot afford education they have their children drop it completely and find other ways to generate income that are often not so lawful.

Corrected

Corrected version:

Firstly, if families cannot afford education, they have their children drop out completely and find other ways to generate income that are often not so lawful.

Explanation: 

"drop it" should be corrected to "drop out" to indicate discontinuing education.

Improved

Improved version:

Firstly, if families are unable to afford education, they are compelled to have their children drop out completely, resorting to alternative means of income generation that often fall outside the boundaries of the law.

2

Original Text

Secondly, even if one completely their education and do not find a job lacking true knowledge also takes up the criminal path for survival. 

Corrected

Corrected version:

Secondly, even if one completes their education and does not find a job, lacking true knowledge also leads them to take the criminal path for survival. 

Explanation: 

"completely their education" should be corrected to "completes their education." "do not find a job" should be followed by a comma. "takes up" should be changed to "leads them to" for clarity and correct verb tense." 

Improved

Improved version:

Secondly, even if individuals successfully complete their education but fail to secure employment, the absence of genuine knowledge may drive them towards a path of criminality as a means of survival.

3

Original Text

Moreover, the popularity of violent video games among children give the idea of violent behaviour being completely normal in the real world as well causing them to commiting crimes without even realising it may be wrong. 

Corrected

Corrected version:

Moreover, the popularity of violent video games among children gives them the idea that violent behavior is completely normal in the real world, causing them to commit crimes without even realizing it may be wrong.

Explanation: 

"give the idea" should be corrected to "gives them the idea." "commiting" should be corrected to "committing." A comma is needed after "world" to separate the clauses.

Improved

Improved version:

Moreover, the widespread popularity of violent video games among children instills the notion that aggressive behavior is entirely normal in the real world, leading them to commit crimes unconsciously, without recognizing the wrongfulness of their actions.

4

Original Text

These games are addictive and can mess up how people think or react in stressful situations. 

Corrected

Corrected version:

These games are addictive and can disrupt how people think or react in stressful situations. 

Explanation: 

"mess up" can be replaced with "disrupt" for more formal and concise language. 

Improved

Improved version:

These games possess addictive qualities and can profoundly impact individuals' cognitive processes and responses during demanding situations.

5

Original Text

To address this problem the primary responsibility is of the government all over the world to ensure quality education at a reasonable cost for all citizens irrespective of their financial status. 

Corrected

Corrected version:

To address this problem, the primary responsibility lies with the government all over the world to ensure quality education at a reasonable cost for all citizens irrespective of their financial status. 

Explanation: 

A comma is needed after "problem" to separate the introductory phrase. "is of" should be corrected to "lies with" for clarity and correct sentence structure.

Improved

Improved version:

To tackle this issue, it is imperative that governments worldwide assume primary responsibility in ensuring equitable access to quality education for all citizens, regardless of their financial circumstances.

6

Original Text

After that, generating job opportunities and supporting small-businesses should be the primary concern. 

Corrected

Corrected version:

After that, generating job opportunities and supporting small businesses should be the primary concern.

Explanation: 

"small-businesses" should be corrected to "small businesses" for proper spelling and clarity.

Improved

Improved version:

Subsequently, prioritizing the creation of job opportunities and providing support to small businesses should be of paramount concern.

7

Original Text

Furthermore, some basic survival facilities like, Healthcare, food etc. should be available to the poor hence preventing them for becoming criminals. 

Corrected

Corrected version:

Furthermore, some basic survival facilities like healthcare and food should be available to the poor, hence preventing them from becoming criminals.

Explanation: 

A comma is not needed before "Healthcare." "preventing them for becoming" should be corrected to "preventing them from becoming." The use of "hence" suggests cause and effect, indicating that providing basic survival facilities helps prevent them from turning to a life of crime.

Improved

Improved version:

"Furthermore, it is crucial to guarantee essential survival amenities such as healthcare and sustenance to the underprivileged, thereby deterring them from engaging in criminal activities."

Source: Ms Anvi Jindal 07-07-23  MT 05

Original Text!

   Criminals are born out of necessity Or madness. The crime news in today's era is as common as the internet. Although the world has never been crime free but modern world is more affected by its rise. As the world became more connected through technology so did crime.

  One of the significant cause of rising crime is lack of quality education to each and every human. Firstly, if families cannot afford education they have their children drop it completely and find other ways to generate income that are often not so lawful. Secondly, even if one completely their education and do not find a job lacking true knowledge also takes up the criminal path for survival. Moreover, the popularity of violent video games among children give the idea of violent behaviour being completely normal in the real world as well causing them to commiting crimes without even realising it may be wrong. These games are addictive and can mess up how people think or react in stressful situations.

  To address this problem the primary responsibility is of the government all over the world to ensure quality education at a reasonable cost for all citizens irrespective of their financial status. After that, generating job opportunities and supporting small-businesses   should be the primary concern. Furthermore, some basic survival facilities like, Healthcare, food etc. should be available to the poor hence preventing them for becoming criminals. Technologically teens should made aware of the differnce between the real and virtual world which should be the responsibility of parents.

  To conclude, I would say if the government, the citizen, the parents all realise and act towards their moral responsibilities crime eradication is not a hard nut to crack.

Corrected!

  Criminals are born out of necessity or madness. The prevalence of crime news in today's era is as common as the internet. Although the world has never been crime-free, the modern world is more affected by its rise. As the world became more connected through technology, so did crime.

  One of the significant causes of rising crime is the lack of quality education for every individual. Firstly, if families cannot afford education, they have their children drop out completely and find other often unlawful ways to generate income. Secondly, even if one completes their education but fails to find a job, the lack of true knowledge may lead them to take the criminal path for survival. Moreover, the popularity of violent video games among children gives them the idea that violent behavior is completely normal in the real world, causing them to commit crimes without even realizing it may be wrong. These games are addictive and can negatively impact how people think or react in stressful situations.

  To address this problem, the primary responsibility lies with the government worldwide to ensure quality education at a reasonable cost for all citizens, irrespective of their financial status. Additionally, generating job opportunities and supporting small businesses should be prioritized. Furthermore, basic survival facilities such as healthcare and food should be made available to the poor, thereby preventing them from turning to crime. Technologically, teenagers should be made aware of the difference between the real and virtual world, and this responsibility should fall on parents.

  In conclusion, if the government, citizens, and parents all realize and act upon their moral responsibilities, eradicating crime will not be an insurmountable task.

IMPROVED VERSION

  In today's interconnected world, the prevalence of crime has escalated in tandem with advancements in technology. This essay explores the causes of this alarming trend and suggests viable solutions to address the issue.

  One significant cause contributing to the rise in crime rates is the lack of accessible quality education for all individuals. Financial constraints often force families to withdraw their children from schooling, compelling them to seek alternative, often illicit, means of generating income. Furthermore, even those who manage to complete their education but remain unemployed may succumb to criminal activities due to a dearth of practical knowledge and skills. Additionally, the pervasive influence of violent video games on impressionable young minds normalizes aggression, leading to inadvertent engagement in criminal behavior.

  To mitigate this issue, governments bear the primary responsibility of ensuring universal access to affordable, high-quality education. This includes implementing policies that make education accessible to all, regardless of financial circumstances. Furthermore, efforts should be directed towards creating job opportunities and supporting the establishment and growth of small businesses. By doing so, individuals are provided with legitimate means of income and a sense of purpose, reducing their vulnerability to criminal pursuits.

  Moreover, it is crucial to address the negative impact of violent video games on societal behavior. Stricter regulations should be implemented to limit the accessibility and exposure of young individuals to such content. Additionally, promoting awareness campaigns and educational initiatives highlighting the potential consequences of violent behavior can help in cultivating a responsible and empathetic society.

  In conclusion, the surge in crime rates can be attributed to various factors, including limited access to quality education, unemployment, and the influence of violent media. However, by prioritizing universal education, job creation, and social awareness, governments can effectively combat this issue. Only through concerted efforts and proactive measures can we hope to create a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.

Key Phrases: