Task-2

Let's Learn from Others' Mistakes

Common Errors

Source: Ms Manya Bhawra MT 09

Original Text

Undoubtedly, problem of overweight is a pressing concern among many individuals.

Corrected

Corrected version:

Undoubtedly, the problem of overweight is a pressing concern among many individuals.

Explanation:

Added the article "the" before "problem" to make the sentence grammatically correct.

Improved

Improved version:

The issue of obesity is undeniably a paramount concern that plagues a significant portion of the population.

Original Text

Surprisingly, now people are become obese than in the past.

Corrected

Corrected version:

Surprisingly, more people are becoming obese than in the past.

Explanation:

Corrected the verb tense and added "more" for clarity.

Improved

Improved version:

Astonishingly, an escalating number of individuals are succumbing to obesity when compared to historical data.

Original Text

This essay will examine the underlying reason of this epidermic as well as considerable effects of this issue on the society.

Corrected

Corrected version:

This essay will examine the underlying reasons for this epidemic as well as the considerable effects of this issue on society.

Explanation:

Corrected "reason" to "reasons," "epidermic" to "epidemic," and added "the" before "society."

Improved

Improved version:

This essay will meticulously dissect the underlying factors contributing to this epidemic and delve into its profound societal ramifications.

Original Text

Well, there are certain causes of this problem.

Corrected

Corrected version:

No grammatical errors found in this sentence.

Improved

Improved version:

Undoubtedly, a multitude of underlying causes intricately weave the fabric of this issue.

Original Text

One notable is that lack of awareness among people regarding physical fitness is the major factor.

Corrected

Corrected version:

One notable factor is the lack of awareness among people regarding physical fitness.

Explanation:

Reordered the sentence for clarity.

Improved

Improved version:

One particularly salient factor revolves around the pervasive lack of awareness among the populace regarding the critical importance of physical fitness.

Original Text

For instance, a survey conducted by WHO (world health organisation) revealed that major proportion of children, today, only play indoor activities on their technical gizmos because of modern lifestyle do not allow them to take step out of their home.

Corrected

Corrected version:

For instance, a survey conducted by the WHO (World Health Organization) revealed that a major proportion of children today only engage in indoor activities on their electronic devices because modern lifestyles do not encourage them to step outside their homes.

Explanation:

Corrected the capitalization and abbreviation of "WHO," rephrased the sentence for clarity, and made it more grammatically correct.

Improved

Improved version:

For instance, a comprehensive survey conducted by the World Health Organization (WHO) has unveiled a disconcerting trend: a substantial proportion of today's children primarily immerse themselves in indoor activities, tethered to their electronic devices, largely due to modern lifestyles that discourage outdoor activities.

Original Text

Secondary reason is that overeating, as people have nothing to do, so, all the day they only utilise their technical device and they enjoy surfing the internet with eating unhealthy snacks.

Corrected

Corrected version:

Another reason is overeating, as people have nothing to do. Throughout the day, they only use their electronic devices and enjoy surfing the internet while eating unhealthy snacks.

Explanation:

Corrected "Secondary reason" to "Another reason," separated the sentence into two for clarity, and made it grammatically correct.

Improved

Improved version:

Another significant contributing factor hinges upon overeating, as individuals, with limited activities to occupy their time, tend to excessively engage with their electronic devices while succumbing to the allure of unhealthy snacks.

Original Text

Thus, these are some causes of this problem.

Corrected

Corrected version:

Thus, these are some of the causes of this problem.

Explanation:

Added "of" after "some" for grammatical correctness.

Improved

Improved version:

Collectively, these factors coalesce to perpetuate the problem.

Original Text

On the paradoxical side, there are some negative impact of this problem.

Corrected

Corrected version:

On the paradoxical side, there are some negative impacts of this problem.

Explanation:

Changed "impact" to "impacts" to make it plural.

Improved

Improved version:

Paradoxically, this issue engenders a host of deleterious consequences that ripple through society.

Original Text

The first and foremost is that unhealthy diet results in obesity and unhealthy lifestyle among many individuals.

Corrected

Corrected version:

The first and foremost issue is that an unhealthy diet results in obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle among many individuals.

Explanation:

Added "issue" for clarity and used "an" before "unhealthy" for grammatical correctness.

Improved

Improved version:

Foremost among these is the pernicious impact of an unhealthy diet, which culminates in obesity and unhealthy lifestyles among a substantial segment of the populace.

Original Text

To cite an example, nowadays, most of the health-related problems witnessed in children owing to unbalanced diet that effect seen in health problems, low grades in academics and no physical fitness.

Corrected

Corrected version:

To cite an example, nowadays, most of the health-related problems witnessed in children are due to an unbalanced diet, which affects their health, academic performance, and physical fitness.

Explanation:

Rearranged and clarified the sentence for grammatical correctness.

Improved

Improved version:

To elucidate, a multitude of health-related afflictions now afflict children, a direct consequence of imbalanced diets, which manifest in compromised health, diminished academic achievements, and a lack of physical fitness.

Original Text

To conclude, according to the aforementioned arguments it can be clearly informed that this statement have both causes and effects on the society.

Corrected

Corrected version:

In conclusion, according to the aforementioned arguments, it can be clearly inferred that this issue has both causes and effects on society.

Explanation:

Reordered and corrected "have" to "has" for grammatical correctness.

Improved

Improved version:

In summation, the discourse presented here underscores the compelling argument that this issue is multifaceted, with a complex web of causes and profound societal effects, thereby affirming its status as a matter of utmost societal concern.

Source: Ms Manya Bhawra 04-09-23 MT 09

Original Text!

Undoubtedly, problem of overweight is a pressing concern among many individuals. Surprisingly, now people are become obese than in the past. This essay will examine the underlying reason of this epidermic as well as considerable effects of this issue on the society.

Well, there are certain causes of this problem. One notable is that lack of awareness among people regarding physical fitness is the major factor. For instance, a survey conducted by WHO( world health organisation) revealed that major proportion of children, today, only play indoor activities on their technical gizmos because of modern lifestyle do not allow them to take step out of their home. Secondary reason is that overeating, as people have nothing to do, so, all the day they only utilise their technical device and they enjoy surfing the internet with eating unhealthy snacks. Thus, these are some causes of this problem.

On the paradoxical side, there are some negative impact of this problem. The first and foremost is that unhealthy diet results in obesity and unhealthy lifestyle among many individuals. To cite an example, nowadays, most of the health-related problems witnessed in children owing to unbalanced diet that effect seen in health problems, low grades in academics and no physical fitness. Thus, these are few negative effects of this statement.

To conclude, according to the aforementioned arguments it can be clearly informed that this statement have both causes and effects on the society.

Corrected!

Undoubtedly, the problem of being overweight is a pressing concern among many individuals. Surprisingly, more people are becoming obese than in the past. This essay will examine the underlying reasons for this epidemic as well as the considerable effects of this issue on society.
One notable cause is the lack of awareness among people regarding physical fitness. For instance, a survey conducted by the World Health Organization (WHO) revealed that a major proportion of children today only engage in indoor activities on their technical devices because modern lifestyles do not encourage them to go outside. Another reason is overeating. As people have nothing to do, they spend their days utilizing their technical devices and enjoy surfing the internet while eating unhealthy snacks. These are some of the causes of this problem.
On the flip side, there are negative impacts of this problem. The first and foremost is that an unhealthy diet results in obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle among many individuals. For example, nowadays, most health-related problems witnessed in children are due to an unbalanced diet, which affects their health, academic performance, and physical fitness. These are a few of the negative effects of this issue.
In conclusion, based on the aforementioned arguments, it can be clearly stated that this issue has both causes and effects on society.

IMPROVED VERSION

The issue of obesity stands as an undeniable and paramount concern, casting its long shadow over a substantial portion of the global population. In recent years, the alarming surge in obesity rates, when compared to historical data, has become a cause for profound concern. This essay undertakes a meticulous examination of the multifaceted factors contributing to this epidemic and delves into the far-reaching societal implications it engenders.

Foremost among the myriad underlying causes of obesity is the pervasive lack of awareness regarding the critical importance of physical fitness. In an era dominated by technological advancements, a considerable proportion of today's children find themselves ensnared by the allure of electronic devices, relegating outdoor activities to a mere afterthought. For instance, a comprehensive survey conducted by the World Health Organization (WHO) has unveiled a disconcerting trend, with a substantial number of youngsters primarily engaging in sedentary indoor pursuits due to modern lifestyles that discourage outdoor activities.

Another substantial contributing factor is the pernicious habit of overeating, which has become increasingly prevalent in a society where individuals, with limited opportunities for physical engagement, resort to prolonged periods of screen time and succumb to the temptations of unhealthy snacks. The continuous allure of electronic devices, combined with an unrestricted access to unhealthy dietary options, has led to an alarming rise in overconsumption.

Paradoxically, this pervasive issue gives rise to a host of deleterious consequences that extend their influence throughout society. Chief among these is the insidious impact of an unhealthy diet, which ultimately culminates in not only obesity but also pervasive unhealthy lifestyles among a substantial cross-section of the populace. Health-related afflictions have become increasingly common among children, resulting in compromised overall health, diminished academic performance, and a conspicuous lack of physical fitness.

In conclusion, this essay has shed light on the multifaceted nature of the obesity epidemic, characterized by a complex web of causes and profound societal effects. Its far-reaching influence underscores its status as a matter of utmost societal concern. Addressing this issue requires not only individual awareness but also comprehensive societal strategies aimed at promoting physical activity and a balanced diet, thereby mitigating its adverse impact on our well-being and collective future.